20/100

The Farmer and I had been chatting for a short while. He tells me he’s got odd hours but we manage to meet up Friday afternoon. Friday was National Doughnut Day if you were not aware. It just so happens there’s an Artisian Doughnut shop at the 19th/Oakland stop so we meet there. It turns out we arrived just in time. Although they were out of doughnuts they had the holes and a couple of business looking ladies were about to clean them out. They allowed us to grab two before they did. 

You should probably go to there

The Farmer and I end up grabbing a cup of coffee and strolling around Lake Merritt. We find a bench and have a sit down. He tells me about the work he does, working on farms, transforming an unused middle school fields into produce yielding land. I love this idea. He has such a calm about him. It’s chilling me out, which is nice. 

We continue to adventure to a Japanese garden which houses p- patches. He tells me about his relationship with plants, he says hippie stuff which I’m eating up. All of this is going quite well. I was supposed to go to the Oakland Art Murmur with another date later but he had to cancel so my evening is freed up. The Farmer tells me he was going to meet up with some friends there later if I want to join. Of course I do! 

It’s just the two of us wandering around, we grab a beer and then start to get hungry. There’s tons of street food to choose from and after a few hits of that ganj we decide on the stoneriest item. Carne Asada fries. omg. so gud.

I believe it’s around this time when we’re waiting for The Famers friend. A friend he went camping with and did certain fungus’ with the night before. A good friend of his. They dated for a little while. Well, actually a year he tells me. But she’s just a really good friend. Hmmmm. 

I’m trying my very very best to keep cool. I really like how things are going… they’re just friends right? She arrives. Beautiful and petite. I guess I maybe wouldn’t have cared except for the fact that I’ve completely lost his gaze. He’s zoned in on her. 

I express my discomfort and Farmer convinces me to have one beer with them before I make that call. I do. With a beer in hand things are definitely much easier and when he leaves to the restroom she and I actually chat just fine. However, this is an extremely draining task. I feel so insecure. Any question she asks I answer with “Oh, I don’t know anything.” It’s embarrassing. I’m putting myself down. 

I go to excuse myself and The Farmer offers to walk me to the BART station where he has parked his bike. He’s sorry he’s made me feel awkward. 

Was I being crazy?