“Male privilege is “I have a boyfriend” being the only thing that can actually stop someone from hitting on you because they respect another man more than they respect your rejection/lack of interest.”

The Sociological Cinema

There was actually research that was done that found that women who used an “I have a boyfriend/husband” excuse to reject unwanted sexual attention and harassment by their bosses were more likely to be left alone than those who used any other excuse (including “I’m not interested”)

Because men respect another man’s property (and that’s how they see us) than a woman’s autonomy.

(via visualcomplex)

(via purenoire)

Q&A

I’m going to answer questions tonight if you guys have any let me know. 

Reflection Time
Alright. Here’s the dish. 
I’ve spent quite a bit of time with 12, he’s great. Stupid funny, handsome as all hell, talented, and he’s got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve met. After our first date which was a BBQ on Memorial Day I invited him to my graduation party in Golden Gate Park without thinking. It totally slipped my mind that all of my family would be there and they would meet this guy. I also really wasn’t sure if he would show up. But he did, he brought me a gift, design books. We all played Ultimate Frisbee in the grass and even though the weather was shitty that day it didn’t matter.
The party was moved back to my house and I kept losing my dude. Now in the past, I’ve had to somewhat babysit my boyfriends, hold their hands, stand near them, whatever, durning family functions. But this guy, number 12, kept chilling with my uncles and making them laugh. I can’t tell you how amazing that was to see, seriously, any of my cousins past boyfriends or husbands can tell you that my uncles make it a point to haze whoever it is that comes through the door but 12 was able to roll with the punches like a pro. 
I kept seeing him while still going out on dates, in fact I was seeing a few of these guys while still going out. They all knew it, and they were all cool with it. I spent a few weekends in Berkeley, one of them he had gotten his wisdom teeth removed so I made soup for that chipmunk. We wandered around the campus and downtown and hung out for the better part of a week. Then I left on my trip for over two weeks. 
I had a lot of time to think while I was away in Europe and when I got back I told 12 that we couldn’t keep seeing each other because it wouldn’t work with the project. He got it, totally understood and wished me the best of luck before we said goodbye. It sucked. I went on a few more dates but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t being present and I couldn’t fake sincerity or realness. I was forcing myself to go out and it wasn’t getting any easier in fact it became increasingly difficult. I was also struggling with how I had cast this person aside after I was shown nothing but adoration and kindness. I was so conflicted. I don’t think I believe in forever anymore so to think about giving up my goal to be with this person for X amount of time seemed pointless. But there I was with a huge battle going on between my brain and heart. 
After 8 dates from the time we went separate ways I hit him up on a Friday night and we hung out that whole weekend. The next weekend was the same and I met more of his friends who have all been so much fun. He listened to me and invited me into his life, no questions asked. There was never any taunting about the project or interrogative sessions. 
He calls me Girl and Darlin (and on occasion Turkey) he appreciates all of the crazy that comes with this package. 
————————————————————————————————————————-
I’m going to keep writing about our outings because I’m having a great time. If you don’t want to hear about sappy beginnings then I understand if you have to unfollow. I hope that in some way you were inspired through my first 45 dates and you are well on your way to putting yourself out there in earnest. Please above everything else be kind and let’s skip the business of games.  

Reflection Time

Alright. Here’s the dish. 

I’ve spent quite a bit of time with 12, he’s great. Stupid funny, handsome as all hell, talented, and he’s got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve met. After our first date which was a BBQ on Memorial Day I invited him to my graduation party in Golden Gate Park without thinking. It totally slipped my mind that all of my family would be there and they would meet this guy. I also really wasn’t sure if he would show up. But he did, he brought me a gift, design books. We all played Ultimate Frisbee in the grass and even though the weather was shitty that day it didn’t matter.

The party was moved back to my house and I kept losing my dude. Now in the past, I’ve had to somewhat babysit my boyfriends, hold their hands, stand near them, whatever, durning family functions. But this guy, number 12, kept chilling with my uncles and making them laugh. I can’t tell you how amazing that was to see, seriously, any of my cousins past boyfriends or husbands can tell you that my uncles make it a point to haze whoever it is that comes through the door but 12 was able to roll with the punches like a pro. 

I kept seeing him while still going out on dates, in fact I was seeing a few of these guys while still going out. They all knew it, and they were all cool with it. I spent a few weekends in Berkeley, one of them he had gotten his wisdom teeth removed so I made soup for that chipmunk. We wandered around the campus and downtown and hung out for the better part of a week. Then I left on my trip for over two weeks. 

I had a lot of time to think while I was away in Europe and when I got back I told 12 that we couldn’t keep seeing each other because it wouldn’t work with the project. He got it, totally understood and wished me the best of luck before we said goodbye. It sucked. I went on a few more dates but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t being present and I couldn’t fake sincerity or realness. I was forcing myself to go out and it wasn’t getting any easier in fact it became increasingly difficult. I was also struggling with how I had cast this person aside after I was shown nothing but adoration and kindness. I was so conflicted. I don’t think I believe in forever anymore so to think about giving up my goal to be with this person for X amount of time seemed pointless. But there I was with a huge battle going on between my brain and heart. 

After 8 dates from the time we went separate ways I hit him up on a Friday night and we hung out that whole weekend. The next weekend was the same and I met more of his friends who have all been so much fun. He listened to me and invited me into his life, no questions asked. There was never any taunting about the project or interrogative sessions. 

He calls me Girl and Darlin (and on occasion Turkey) he appreciates all of the crazy that comes with this package. 

————————————————————————————————————————-

I’m going to keep writing about our outings because I’m having a great time. If you don’t want to hear about sappy beginnings then I understand if you have to unfollow. I hope that in some way you were inspired through my first 45 dates and you are well on your way to putting yourself out there in earnest. Please above everything else be kind and let’s skip the business of games.  

47/100
This Funny Boy wants to get to The Ramen Festival hella early. Apparently it was really packed on Saturday so we go to scope things out beforehand. We arrive and there’s already ridiculous lines, we say fuck that and wander around. I’m really wanting a Bloody Mary so we find a bar in the Fillmore and we both order their spiciest one. While we’re sitting there I pull out my notebook, he places his hand on it and I trace it, then I tell him he should draw something. He does. It’s sweet. 
We just had the one drink and then we’re off to meet his friends in The Sunset. These are all friends from college and It’s one of their birthdays. We walk in and there’s whiskey on the table so we all toast. Before long I’m telling my routine of bad jokes and I think his friends like them. Again, I have to say, a dude with a great group of friends is a huge turn on… lady boner for sure. 
The boys had their heart set on Ramen so we go to a place near by and afterwards grab roti bun… I had never had this before and it is now my new favorite bread product. We head back to the apartment and drink a little more. It’s just the three of us now and I’m lying on my stomach on the carpet while we listen to music. 
The host has a guest bedroom that is kind of like Funny Boy’s second home. It’s late so I pass out and the two of us snuggle in the morning.  47/100
This Funny Boy wants to get to The Ramen Festival hella early. Apparently it was really packed on Saturday so we go to scope things out beforehand. We arrive and there’s already ridiculous lines, we say fuck that and wander around. I’m really wanting a Bloody Mary so we find a bar in the Fillmore and we both order their spiciest one. While we’re sitting there I pull out my notebook, he places his hand on it and I trace it, then I tell him he should draw something. He does. It’s sweet. 
We just had the one drink and then we’re off to meet his friends in The Sunset. These are all friends from college and It’s one of their birthdays. We walk in and there’s whiskey on the table so we all toast. Before long I’m telling my routine of bad jokes and I think his friends like them. Again, I have to say, a dude with a great group of friends is a huge turn on… lady boner for sure. 
The boys had their heart set on Ramen so we go to a place near by and afterwards grab roti bun… I had never had this before and it is now my new favorite bread product. We head back to the apartment and drink a little more. It’s just the three of us now and I’m lying on my stomach on the carpet while we listen to music. 
The host has a guest bedroom that is kind of like Funny Boy’s second home. It’s late so I pass out and the two of us snuggle in the morning. 

47/100

This Funny Boy wants to get to The Ramen Festival hella early. Apparently it was really packed on Saturday so we go to scope things out beforehand. We arrive and there’s already ridiculous lines, we say fuck that and wander around. I’m really wanting a Bloody Mary so we find a bar in the Fillmore and we both order their spiciest one. While we’re sitting there I pull out my notebook, he places his hand on it and I trace it, then I tell him he should draw something. He does. It’s sweet. 

We just had the one drink and then we’re off to meet his friends in The Sunset. These are all friends from college and It’s one of their birthdays. We walk in and there’s whiskey on the table so we all toast. Before long I’m telling my routine of bad jokes and I think his friends like them. Again, I have to say, a dude with a great group of friends is a huge turn on… lady boner for sure. 

The boys had their heart set on Ramen so we go to a place near by and afterwards grab roti bun… I had never had this before and it is now my new favorite bread product. We head back to the apartment and drink a little more. It’s just the three of us now and I’m lying on my stomach on the carpet while we listen to music. 

The host has a guest bedroom that is kind of like Funny Boy’s second home. It’s late so I pass out and the two of us snuggle in the morning. 

46/100
Our date starts in Berkeley, we’re twinning and it’s pretty adorable. When we can’t find a good brunch spot, I suggest we go to San Francisco to a place called Barracuda. It’s a sushi spot in the Castro where your mimosa glass is never empty. He’s a little apprehensive but I insure him they have more than sushi. After he looks at a few places on Yelp I put my foot down and INSIST that we have to go to this spot. He agrees. 
We both order our mimosas bottomless and as brunch goes on we get into some really deep conversation. He’s telling me about growing up all over San Francisco because his parents had hard times. We both talk about our dads as he has lost his as well, 5 years ago. This conversation gets way too heavy, we both laugh it off. It’s really sunny out so after brunch we wobble to Duboce Park. In the sun we end up napping like kittens. Eventually my Twin has to run, he’s got a friend that needs some cheering up.  46/100
Our date starts in Berkeley, we’re twinning and it’s pretty adorable. When we can’t find a good brunch spot, I suggest we go to San Francisco to a place called Barracuda. It’s a sushi spot in the Castro where your mimosa glass is never empty. He’s a little apprehensive but I insure him they have more than sushi. After he looks at a few places on Yelp I put my foot down and INSIST that we have to go to this spot. He agrees. 
We both order our mimosas bottomless and as brunch goes on we get into some really deep conversation. He’s telling me about growing up all over San Francisco because his parents had hard times. We both talk about our dads as he has lost his as well, 5 years ago. This conversation gets way too heavy, we both laugh it off. It’s really sunny out so after brunch we wobble to Duboce Park. In the sun we end up napping like kittens. Eventually my Twin has to run, he’s got a friend that needs some cheering up. 

46/100

Our date starts in Berkeley, we’re twinning and it’s pretty adorable. When we can’t find a good brunch spot, I suggest we go to San Francisco to a place called Barracuda. It’s a sushi spot in the Castro where your mimosa glass is never empty. He’s a little apprehensive but I insure him they have more than sushi. After he looks at a few places on Yelp I put my foot down and INSIST that we have to go to this spot. He agrees. 

We both order our mimosas bottomless and as brunch goes on we get into some really deep conversation. He’s telling me about growing up all over San Francisco because his parents had hard times. We both talk about our dads as he has lost his as well, 5 years ago. This conversation gets way too heavy, we both laugh it off. It’s really sunny out so after brunch we wobble to Duboce Park. In the sun we end up napping like kittens. Eventually my Twin has to run, he’s got a friend that needs some cheering up. 

45/100
AKA My Very Last OKC Date
Camera Boy picked me up around 7, it was his idea to take photos at Mt. Davidson around sunset. It was a pleasantly warm day yesterday and this view of SF is absolutely STUNNING! If you haven’t been up there I suggest doing it the next time we are blessed with temps above 65. 
The two of us wandered around the forested area which felt like magic fairy land. Everywhere was so lush and green! This provided an excellent setting for taking profile pics for Camera Boy so I happily snapped away using his awesome camera. He was extremely photogenic like wow, I’ve never met someone who looks model status in every pic. 
The sun was going down and we tried to sit on a little bench but we were getting eaten alive out there by mosquitos. We drove home and tried to not use google maps but I got us lost and we ended up on San Bruno Ave near Portola, my very old stomping grounds. I hadn’t been in that street in years and years it was a little drive down memory lane. 
Camera boy walks me to my door and I say goodnight. 
____________________________________________________
I will explain soon.  45/100
AKA My Very Last OKC Date
Camera Boy picked me up around 7, it was his idea to take photos at Mt. Davidson around sunset. It was a pleasantly warm day yesterday and this view of SF is absolutely STUNNING! If you haven’t been up there I suggest doing it the next time we are blessed with temps above 65. 
The two of us wandered around the forested area which felt like magic fairy land. Everywhere was so lush and green! This provided an excellent setting for taking profile pics for Camera Boy so I happily snapped away using his awesome camera. He was extremely photogenic like wow, I’ve never met someone who looks model status in every pic. 
The sun was going down and we tried to sit on a little bench but we were getting eaten alive out there by mosquitos. We drove home and tried to not use google maps but I got us lost and we ended up on San Bruno Ave near Portola, my very old stomping grounds. I hadn’t been in that street in years and years it was a little drive down memory lane. 
Camera boy walks me to my door and I say goodnight. 
____________________________________________________
I will explain soon. 

45/100

AKA My Very Last OKC Date

Camera Boy picked me up around 7, it was his idea to take photos at Mt. Davidson around sunset. It was a pleasantly warm day yesterday and this view of SF is absolutely STUNNING! If you haven’t been up there I suggest doing it the next time we are blessed with temps above 65. 

The two of us wandered around the forested area which felt like magic fairy land. Everywhere was so lush and green! This provided an excellent setting for taking profile pics for Camera Boy so I happily snapped away using his awesome camera. He was extremely photogenic like wow, I’ve never met someone who looks model status in every pic. 

The sun was going down and we tried to sit on a little bench but we were getting eaten alive out there by mosquitos. We drove home and tried to not use google maps but I got us lost and we ended up on San Bruno Ave near Portola, my very old stomping grounds. I hadn’t been in that street in years and years it was a little drive down memory lane. 

Camera boy walks me to my door and I say goodnight. 

____________________________________________________

I will explain soon. 

44/100
Tree hits me up pretty simply, “Hi! You seem interesting. Can I be one of your 100 dates of summer?” I say of course which is easy to do because he’s so handsome, a musician, and his profile shows that we are into some of the same things. So I suggest we go to The Folsom Street Foundry where they have Ping Pong, Berlin Style, every Monday night. 
Tree shows up on his bike promptly at 6:00 and yeah, he’s cute. Half Japanese half white and crazy tall. He’s wearing boots, jeans, and a plaid button up. We head inside where there are several tables set up but no one is really playing. We have a seat on one of the oversized leather couches and talk for a bit; books, travel, television. I ask what his experience has been with OKC to which he replies, “You’re actually my first date”. This makes me feel pretty special for some reason. 
Finally we’re ready to try our hand at the game. There’s a couple playing and I ask to join them. It’s Tree and I against this woman from Iran and her guy who has a few tricks up his sleeve. The game is all in fun though, no one’s keeping score. We played for a while but it was warm in there and we all go on beer break, then comes the real fun. 
If you’re not familiar with “Berlin Style” Ping Pong (I wasn’t) it’s basically like musical chairs where you walk around the table and you get one hit at a time. If you miss, you’re out. Simple. This was so much fun. Neither of us lasted for very long in each of these rounds but it was great and all of the regulars there were soooo nice! It’s about 8 and Tree asks if I’ve had dinner which I hadn’t. 
We end up at StrEat Food Park and after a lap around the place we decide to share a pizza. He’s been pretty quiet the whole night so I ask if he’s ok. He tells me he’s just a quiet guy. I don’t know why but that always seems like a challenge to me. Like, I don’t care if you’re quiet but I’m going to open you up like the beautiful flower you are. Or maybe some people are just like that. I guess that’s ok too… but a girl can try. And try I did. 
After finishing our pizza Tree still seems down to hang so we head to Zeitgeist. This place is so SF I love it. We take a seat out on the patio and this place is packed for a Monday night. I get approached and asked if I’m the 100 Dates girl by a girl in a red dress and tiara. I feel pretty embarrassed after that but I get over it. We talk about web stuff and writing for a bit. He tells me he went to school for creative writing at UC Santa Cruz but just can’t find the time to really do it. I tell him I’m going to give him a writing assignment I look around and see a tree (you know the one next to the pink elephants?) I tell him he should write like he’s a tree. He’s fond of the idea. 
I texted him to see if he’s made his transformation yet, no reply. But it’s early.  44/100
Tree hits me up pretty simply, “Hi! You seem interesting. Can I be one of your 100 dates of summer?” I say of course which is easy to do because he’s so handsome, a musician, and his profile shows that we are into some of the same things. So I suggest we go to The Folsom Street Foundry where they have Ping Pong, Berlin Style, every Monday night. 
Tree shows up on his bike promptly at 6:00 and yeah, he’s cute. Half Japanese half white and crazy tall. He’s wearing boots, jeans, and a plaid button up. We head inside where there are several tables set up but no one is really playing. We have a seat on one of the oversized leather couches and talk for a bit; books, travel, television. I ask what his experience has been with OKC to which he replies, “You’re actually my first date”. This makes me feel pretty special for some reason. 
Finally we’re ready to try our hand at the game. There’s a couple playing and I ask to join them. It’s Tree and I against this woman from Iran and her guy who has a few tricks up his sleeve. The game is all in fun though, no one’s keeping score. We played for a while but it was warm in there and we all go on beer break, then comes the real fun. 
If you’re not familiar with “Berlin Style” Ping Pong (I wasn’t) it’s basically like musical chairs where you walk around the table and you get one hit at a time. If you miss, you’re out. Simple. This was so much fun. Neither of us lasted for very long in each of these rounds but it was great and all of the regulars there were soooo nice! It’s about 8 and Tree asks if I’ve had dinner which I hadn’t. 
We end up at StrEat Food Park and after a lap around the place we decide to share a pizza. He’s been pretty quiet the whole night so I ask if he’s ok. He tells me he’s just a quiet guy. I don’t know why but that always seems like a challenge to me. Like, I don’t care if you’re quiet but I’m going to open you up like the beautiful flower you are. Or maybe some people are just like that. I guess that’s ok too… but a girl can try. And try I did. 
After finishing our pizza Tree still seems down to hang so we head to Zeitgeist. This place is so SF I love it. We take a seat out on the patio and this place is packed for a Monday night. I get approached and asked if I’m the 100 Dates girl by a girl in a red dress and tiara. I feel pretty embarrassed after that but I get over it. We talk about web stuff and writing for a bit. He tells me he went to school for creative writing at UC Santa Cruz but just can’t find the time to really do it. I tell him I’m going to give him a writing assignment I look around and see a tree (you know the one next to the pink elephants?) I tell him he should write like he’s a tree. He’s fond of the idea. 
I texted him to see if he’s made his transformation yet, no reply. But it’s early.  44/100
Tree hits me up pretty simply, “Hi! You seem interesting. Can I be one of your 100 dates of summer?” I say of course which is easy to do because he’s so handsome, a musician, and his profile shows that we are into some of the same things. So I suggest we go to The Folsom Street Foundry where they have Ping Pong, Berlin Style, every Monday night. 
Tree shows up on his bike promptly at 6:00 and yeah, he’s cute. Half Japanese half white and crazy tall. He’s wearing boots, jeans, and a plaid button up. We head inside where there are several tables set up but no one is really playing. We have a seat on one of the oversized leather couches and talk for a bit; books, travel, television. I ask what his experience has been with OKC to which he replies, “You’re actually my first date”. This makes me feel pretty special for some reason. 
Finally we’re ready to try our hand at the game. There’s a couple playing and I ask to join them. It’s Tree and I against this woman from Iran and her guy who has a few tricks up his sleeve. The game is all in fun though, no one’s keeping score. We played for a while but it was warm in there and we all go on beer break, then comes the real fun. 
If you’re not familiar with “Berlin Style” Ping Pong (I wasn’t) it’s basically like musical chairs where you walk around the table and you get one hit at a time. If you miss, you’re out. Simple. This was so much fun. Neither of us lasted for very long in each of these rounds but it was great and all of the regulars there were soooo nice! It’s about 8 and Tree asks if I’ve had dinner which I hadn’t. 
We end up at StrEat Food Park and after a lap around the place we decide to share a pizza. He’s been pretty quiet the whole night so I ask if he’s ok. He tells me he’s just a quiet guy. I don’t know why but that always seems like a challenge to me. Like, I don’t care if you’re quiet but I’m going to open you up like the beautiful flower you are. Or maybe some people are just like that. I guess that’s ok too… but a girl can try. And try I did. 
After finishing our pizza Tree still seems down to hang so we head to Zeitgeist. This place is so SF I love it. We take a seat out on the patio and this place is packed for a Monday night. I get approached and asked if I’m the 100 Dates girl by a girl in a red dress and tiara. I feel pretty embarrassed after that but I get over it. We talk about web stuff and writing for a bit. He tells me he went to school for creative writing at UC Santa Cruz but just can’t find the time to really do it. I tell him I’m going to give him a writing assignment I look around and see a tree (you know the one next to the pink elephants?) I tell him he should write like he’s a tree. He’s fond of the idea. 
I texted him to see if he’s made his transformation yet, no reply. But it’s early. 

44/100

Tree hits me up pretty simply, “Hi! You seem interesting. Can I be one of your 100 dates of summer?” I say of course which is easy to do because he’s so handsome, a musician, and his profile shows that we are into some of the same things. So I suggest we go to The Folsom Street Foundry where they have Ping Pong, Berlin Style, every Monday night. 

Tree shows up on his bike promptly at 6:00 and yeah, he’s cute. Half Japanese half white and crazy tall. He’s wearing boots, jeans, and a plaid button up. We head inside where there are several tables set up but no one is really playing. We have a seat on one of the oversized leather couches and talk for a bit; books, travel, television. I ask what his experience has been with OKC to which he replies, “You’re actually my first date”. This makes me feel pretty special for some reason.

Finally we’re ready to try our hand at the game. There’s a couple playing and I ask to join them. It’s Tree and I against this woman from Iran and her guy who has a few tricks up his sleeve. The game is all in fun though, no one’s keeping score. We played for a while but it was warm in there and we all go on beer break, then comes the real fun. 

If you’re not familiar with “Berlin Style” Ping Pong (I wasn’t) it’s basically like musical chairs where you walk around the table and you get one hit at a time. If you miss, you’re out. Simple. This was so much fun. Neither of us lasted for very long in each of these rounds but it was great and all of the regulars there were soooo nice! It’s about 8 and Tree asks if I’ve had dinner which I hadn’t. 

We end up at StrEat Food Park and after a lap around the place we decide to share a pizza. He’s been pretty quiet the whole night so I ask if he’s ok. He tells me he’s just a quiet guy. I don’t know why but that always seems like a challenge to me. Like, I don’t care if you’re quiet but I’m going to open you up like the beautiful flower you are. Or maybe some people are just like that. I guess that’s ok too… but a girl can try. And try I did. 

After finishing our pizza Tree still seems down to hang so we head to Zeitgeist. This place is so SF I love it. We take a seat out on the patio and this place is packed for a Monday night. I get approached and asked if I’m the 100 Dates girl by a girl in a red dress and tiara. I feel pretty embarrassed after that but I get over it. We talk about web stuff and writing for a bit. He tells me he went to school for creative writing at UC Santa Cruz but just can’t find the time to really do it. I tell him I’m going to give him a writing assignment I look around and see a tree (you know the one next to the pink elephants?) I tell him he should write like he’s a tree. He’s fond of the idea. 

I texted him to see if he’s made his transformation yet, no reply. But it’s early. 

Reflection Time

So I’ve kind of been taking a breather from these dates. Things got really crazy when I got back from Europe and yes, it did change things. The media got in my head and I felt like I had to say yes to everything, and yeah I guess that’s what everyone recommends that I do but it’s totally skewing things. I was feeling really obligated to all of these people, it was really stressing me out and I fell back into my depression. Chemicals are weird. I’m glad my story got out, I’m glad you all are feeling empowered and brave enough to test the waters. I’m here in LA for a few more days but when I get back I’m going to keep dating, keep exploring, keep writing and hopefully get back to the roots of this thing.

Q

Anonymous asked:

Who is that one guy you went on a date with that's also doing a similar project?!

A

This is kind of a thing a lot of guys tell me “I’m doing my own 100 dates of summer” aaand it’s kind of like yeah, it’s called the male condition. Don’t get me wrong, these guys are usually really nice and I do agree that people need to date around but I don’t really consider it the same. One man did do things in a legit way though you can check it out here: http://onehundreddates.com/

My best friend and I answer How to Message Girls, The Friend Zone, & Payment Plans